My Doctors Appointment Yesterday

Well, I know it is not so good when my Doctor says to me "What are you doing next Tuesday?" and I ask "Why" and he says your levels for the Glucose Tolerance Test are really high. 7.8 is the cut off, and my level was at 8.7. Needless to say, I proceeded with I do not believe it. I say I want to have the 3 hour test. So, my doc will cancel that "meeting". Bleeping figures that this would happen next. Can you feel my anger? I was freaking out yesterday, crying and just losing it again. I asked my doc "How much more am I supposed to take here". I am at my limit. I have barfing kid, I have a child with an earache. I have kids with colds and coughs. I have been rather stressed myself. I have a cold and a cough. I swear my stress from the past month has raised my glucose reading. I told him I am barely surviving right now. And he hugs me, because he knows I am angry again. I cry some more. I bawl my eyes out through the whole exam. (Friggin hormones)

I know my weight was good because he didn't mention it to me. I know that he listened to the doppler a lot longer, and turned up the volume when the baby's heartbeat was galloping through the speaker. He held it up to me as I was crying and said does that sound make it any better? And I said just a little. But not really. The heartrate was 136 bpm which is the lowest heartrate of any of the kids. Anyways. We proceeded to talk. Then he says and now I have to give you a shot in the behind. Which cheek? I said I really don't care. I just want to get the H#$ out of here. I am so tired of all of this. I just want everything to be over. I am so sick of this pregnancy. I am worried that this child will not be OK. And he says I will be delivering one healthy baby in May. I said I do not believe ANYTHING anymore. He says to me I have enough faith that everything will be fine Mrs. E. So, shot is done. He said this is your last baby, and it seems that everything will be happening to you this time. I went to the front of the reception area crying. I asked for tissues. I booked my appointment for 3 weeks from now. Then I move to the 2 week circuit.

I am so confused as to what I should do. I don't know. All I know is that stress is not good for me or the baby. And last night I said some pretty horrible things to Cliff about the baby. I cannot even type what I said down, but I was very down. And now I am totally stressed out again.

My fears right now, a child with a sick kidney, a huge kid that will be breech and I will need to have a C Section. How is that for positive.

Today is supposed to be a happy day, as my darling Claire is 5 today. I will put on my brave Mom face. And remember the good times in the past. And remember all of the joys she has brought to our lives.

So, that is the story in a nutshell.

Cathy